It’s one thing if home is where the family is. It is a whole other thing if home is where the heart is. In that case, my home would be New York City. I even have a t-shirt to prove it that says, “I left my heart in New York.”
Is it possible to feel like you are not really home until you are in a city that you only visited for a couple days? Is it possible to know that is where you belong when you are still in college in a state so far away? Is it crazy to look out of my window in Tampa and imagine that I see the New York City skyline?
All of these things were normal to me from the time that I was 15-years-old– five years ago. FIVE! That is a lot of years of knowing where you belong without any doubts whatsoever! I hadn’t even visited New York City until I was 18-years-old. Even then, I only spent a few days in the city. That is three years of purely thinking New York City was my real home and two years after visiting of knowing so. People think I am crazy when I say New York City is my future. Of course I mention that I am open to other cities as long as a career presents itself there, but who am I kidding? New York City is the only place for me.
I have lived my entire life with only having immediate family around: my mom, dad, one sister, and my grandparents. Now I have a brother-in-law, niece, and serious boyfriend to add to that list. The rest of my family is in Ohio, Pennsylvania, and even Portugal. I know that any other person would be sick of being apart from all of their family and stay to be close, but I have always had an amazing relationship with my family that live in other states and even a different country. Our relationships have never been strained. In fact, I am as close to them as I am the family I have here in Florida.
Maybe that is why I’m not afraid to move away; I know I will still be close to my eight-month-old niece as she grows up because she is one of my most cherished things in my life. Maybe it is because I know that if I stay where I am at and don’t venture out into the city that has pulled at my heart strings time and time again, I would be regretful in the future.
This may seem crazy but I remember when I was really little, maybe four-years-old or so, crying and screaming that “I want to go home” when I would get really worked up. I didn’t know what that meant or why it came out of my mouth… I was home, in the same house I lived in eighteen years of my life with my parents. I didn’t know what New York City was back then, but I can only assume that is where I wanted to go. Even then, at four-years-old.
So whether I get there right after graduation or ten years down the line, I will be there. I know in my heart, that is where I belong.
“As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, shoulda, woulda, buckle up and just keep going.” -Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City)